CLICK HERE FOR EVIDENCE OF ME. BUT ALAN. BUT ME. US.
This is a post that started with a reflection.
I can’t quite pinpoint the moment when I decided I wanted to use mirrors as part of my work – but I have always loved them, and their other worldly qualities. I know it is a bit of a cliche to use a mirror to illustrate reflection / identity – but sometimes – if something works – then – it’s ok? Nothing is original anyway.
did I tell you ALAN plays drums in a girl / punk / grunge / rah band now?
well it’s true.
For more details see here. It’s a real thing.
It’s taken a lot of work to get here.
Liola chats here about what comes after.
And here is another weirdo recording / evidence that ALAN does stuff.
This is another incarnation of a song I wrote / ALAN wrote. Do I collaborate with ALAN? or is ALAN separate. Are we the same?
As always, recorded straight into phone as I was sitting at the piano then processed by tweaking in garageband. I always make it try and not sound like me. I played to boyfriend and asked if it sounded like ALAN. He said yes then started trying to explain to me what dimensions were, and how cyberspace is another dimension and ALAN has no rules (or at least not like the ones we have on earth) so ALAN can sound how ALAN wants.
I started taking photos again. As me. As ALAN. Thoughtlessly. Not with my camera, with my crappy phone, because I stopped carrying my camera around with me, because I fell out of love with photography – or really, it fell out of love with me, and it hurt too much to have that weight hanging round my neck.
26 Nov 2015 20:57
You have received a message from Leonie. This is that message. I’m on brauny gate
This is like a crap spy mission
I’m going into tesco for vodka
Meet me at the front doors to said shop looking shifty
2 Dec 2015 21:35
Ha ah we are pretty much the same then.
This is what I spend all my time doing. Playing.
I got a new toy to play with, a little vocal fx unit with a basic loop capability. I think I made it make me sound like ALAN.
This is an example of one of my many epic tests… Could ALAN make an album? HMMMM
All this is done by my voice, hitting things with drum sticks, and my out of tune violin. If you get to the end, you win.
I made the executive decision to open ALANs tumblr today. Just now.
So if this whole Alan thing is to make do stuff I can’t do.. Then I have to start doing new stuff. I feel utterly helpless right now, I’m broke. No sleep. I have a boyfriend but no idea how to manage such a thing. I have a kid but no idea how to manage such a thing. I gotta clean the house and wash up and cook and go to work and live and breathe but it all gets too much. None of us asked to be here, but here we are. Existing. So.. As I have made this new existence.. What good is it if I don’t use it for good? What do I want to do that I can’t? Let’s add some realism into the mix Money Time Skill
Please I hate everything I hate myself I hate the way I look I want to be thin so I bought a smoothie maker.
Does Alan even care?
I want to make music videos Are they even relevant anymore So what Maybe ALAN is an amazing director and will help me achieve my dreams
I need to stop thinking in terms of what other people think is art I’m so conscious about what other people think all the time And it doesn’t even matter I don’t care what you think
But I do. So much.
And I over analyse everything and I’m way insecure. And obsessive. To the point of mass destruction. I need help I know this Who can save me? God? I’m already saved But But But
I’m still a rubbish human.
So can art change your life? I don’t like the term art but there you are. I’m reading Albert Camus now, I think I might start to write like him. Presently, I’m thinking nothing of it, though it might be having an effect.
need to sort life out.
So weird how ALAN can just be part of normal conversation now.
I was given the honour to perform (as ALAN) as part of LIOLA at the closing night of an exhibition (Points of Departure – by a strange turn of events I actually named this exhibition – via Facebook hmm) run by a local arts organisation Silver Vine Arts.
ALAN is in a girl band.
Short description : gl-tchy // d-rk // w-tchy // n–s-
Band members : r-b-cc- + -l-n
I don’t think I was in love with him.
I think I was in love with the idea or maybe the potential that I wouldn’t be alone.
So my heart’s not broken for him. My heart is broken for me.
This was just a crappy little idea – wanted to make some cards and dot them around town.
But it’s pointless at the moment…
I think I might change them a bit and get a real life 0800 number and have a recorded message or something when / if people called it… like… Is this how you could call ALAN ? Yeh, might do this. Hmm.
So.. I start uploading my video with 20 minutes to deadline (I live on the edge) and the internet goes down.
Irony? Hilarious, Universe.
It will be here soon…
UPDATE : IT’S HERE >>>>
I made these tracks after sitting at my piano crying as I improvised some words and music to cope with a crippling pain that I was experiencing at the time. The original words and music were not meant for public consumption – so I kinda watered them down into this – which I can play without crying.
I cry a lot these days. Not gonna tell you here why.
LSTLV – DRUM SYNTH VERSION (Took the notes from the piano and re-wrote the ‘song’ in an iphone app – tweaked it a bit and came up with this)
Here’s an example of what my journal should have looked like. But didn’t / doesn’t … because it doesn’t exist. That doesn’t mean it’s not real though,
Searching public and social photo-sharing sites (such as Webshots, Flickr, Photobucket etc.) for images from defunct user-accounts, Battenhausen collects abandoned pictures, curating and re-archiving his findings on his tumblr site Internet History (Started 2010).
I started making music things again. I did this cover of ‘Everybody’s gotta learn sometimes’ and sent it to a coupla people in real life to see if I had a chance of ever playing music ever again ever…
I would NEVER have EVER done this without the little voice of ALAN whispering in my ear – just do it.
I am not the sort of person that puts myself out there. I hate everything I do.
So this might not be ‘ART’ but it does mean that I’ve started singing and playing instruments again and it means that I’ve started talking to people again. Which may not be extraordinary, but it is an important moment / turning point for me…
This is a cover of the song ‘Everybody’s gotta learn sometime’. After I recorderd this version (on my phone) I messed around with it in garageband.. so I’m using pretty much primitive methods here.
UPDATE : After recording this song I sent it to a couple of friends that I’m not really but kind of but not in a band with and we ended up playing it live together as part of an Anerki (local creative / music event) night. I was ALAN.
There’s a story behind everything.
Every photograph, word, painting, conversation, sound, image, everything every thing.
It got to this point, somehow. Isn’t that completely mindblowing?
I won’t tell you the story behind this, obviously to some it seems a boring image, rain on some kind of window looking out into some where non descript, but to me, to ALAN, it has meaning. Wierd, right?
This picture would probably go on ALAN’s world. Because it can. And it proves ALAN exists, doesn’t it?
This kinda also marks the beginnings of my life, I, Leonie, my natural life, being no longer my own. Someone else is with me now, ALAN is taking over. Who am I now?
The story has changed
So. I did it. I hung the sign I made for ALAN, it was everything I ever thought it would be. Super scary.
who ALAN is..
First I have to know some things about me. Here is an inconclusive list of things in no particular order // Read more
My sister sent me this pic of my old school report that she found, ha. Must be from at least 20 years ago. Wow, I’m old.
I’ve thought a lot about how ALAN enters this world.
ALANs first post will be the beginning of ALANs story, a pivotal moment that propels ALAN into existence. So it has to be right.
So many things happen to me when ALAN is ‘in’. Does this mean my subconscious is secretly seeking out ALAN related events? Or is ALAN actually real, really real, and as such I can see this natural world through ALAN’s gaze?
It’s not like I’m waiting for something to happen, but things do happen. All the time. Especially when I’m experiencing this world as ALAN.
Like this :
WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN TO ANY ONE BUT ME? WHO ELSE COULD POSSIBLY WALK INTO A CHARITY SHOP AT RANDOM AND FIND.. WITHOUT LOOKING FOR IT, A MUG, WITH ALAN’S NAME ON IT?
Such things are beyond comprehension.
I didn’t buy it. Wish I did. Was too scared.