26 Nov 2015 20:57
You have received a message from Leonie. This is that message. I’m on brauny gate
This is like a crap spy mission
I’m going into tesco for vodka
Meet me at the front doors to said shop looking shifty
2 Dec 2015 21:35
Ha ah we are pretty much the same then.
So if this whole Alan thing is to make do stuff I can’t do.. Then I have to start doing new stuff. I feel utterly helpless right now, I’m broke. No sleep. I have a boyfriend but no idea how to manage such a thing. I have a kid but no idea how to manage such a thing. I gotta clean the house and wash up and cook and go to work and live and breathe but it all gets too much. None of us asked to be here, but here we are. Existing. So.. As I have made this new existence.. What good is it if I don’t use it for good? What do I want to do that I can’t? Let’s add some realism into the mix Money Time Skill
Please I hate everything I hate myself I hate the way I look I want to be thin so I bought a smoothie maker.
Does Alan even care?
I want to make music videos Are they even relevant anymore So what Maybe ALAN is an amazing director and will help me achieve my dreams
I need to stop thinking in terms of what other people think is art I’m so conscious about what other people think all the time And it doesn’t even matter I don’t care what you think
But I do. So much.
And I over analyse everything and I’m way insecure. And obsessive. To the point of mass destruction. I need help I know this Who can save me? God? I’m already saved But But But
I’m still a rubbish human.
So can art change your life? I don’t like the term art but there you are. I’m reading Albert Camus now, I think I might start to write like him. Presently, I’m thinking nothing of it, though it might be having an effect.
I don’t think I was in love with him.
I think I was in love with the idea or maybe the potential that I wouldn’t be alone.
So my heart’s not broken for him. My heart is broken for me.
Still trying to learn that pesky Moonlight Sonata. ALAN you are hard work.
Recorded straight into phone as usual and tinkered with in garageband. Timing, what is that?
Here’s an example of what my journal should have looked like. But didn’t / doesn’t … because it doesn’t exist. That doesn’t mean it’s not real though,
Searching public and social photo-sharing sites (such as Webshots, Flickr, Photobucket etc.) for images from defunct user-accounts, Battenhausen collects abandoned pictures, curating and re-archiving his findings on his tumblr site Internet History (Started 2010).
// A sort of experiment
Hypothesis : That I will not meet ‘the one’ but I will have some good conversations, ‘real life’ meetings and make some new friends.
Actually, let’s think about this – this is Tinder we are talking about. So, scratch that.
Hypothesis II : I will experience utter disappointment after secretly hoping to meet ‘the one’ (even though this is Tinder we are talking about) and my faith in humanity will most definitely not be restored.
In conversation w/ Alex + Dad
I know what I know, but I really don’t know anything about anything else.
Every conversation I have is tinged with regret, and after, a lengthy personal critique on what I just said – why did I say that? Man just keep your mouth shut.
You heard my words, where are you now?
I lie in bed and I think
I think about you
So I think about ALAN
Sometimes I think about cigarettes
I think about how I should quit smoking
But really all I think about is you
I think about wine