So if this whole Alan thing is to make do stuff I can’t do.. Then I have to start doing new stuff. I feel utterly helpless right now, I’m broke. No sleep. I have a boyfriend but no idea how to manage such a thing. I have a kid but no idea how to manage such a thing. I gotta clean the house and wash up and cook and go to work and live and breathe but it all gets too much. None of us asked to be here, but here we are. Existing. So.. As I have made this new existence.. What good is it if I don’t use it for good? What do I want to do that I can’t? Let’s add some realism into the mix Money Time Skill
Please I hate everything I hate myself I hate the way I look I want to be thin so I bought a smoothie maker.
Does Alan even care?
I want to make music videos Are they even relevant anymore So what Maybe ALAN is an amazing director and will help me achieve my dreams
I need to stop thinking in terms of what other people think is art I’m so conscious about what other people think all the time And it doesn’t even matter I don’t care what you think
But I do. So much.
And I over analyse everything and I’m way insecure. And obsessive. To the point of mass destruction. I need help I know this Who can save me? God? I’m already saved But But But
I’m still a rubbish human.
So can art change your life? I don’t like the term art but there you are. I’m reading Albert Camus now, I think I might start to write like him. Presently, I’m thinking nothing of it, though it might be having an effect.